How Much To Give?

“I’m watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You’ve got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I’m handin’ over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we’re gonna do it, come on do it right”
~ extracted from Gwen Stefani’s 4 in the Morning~

How strange that this song says everything that I want to say right now.

A guy friend once told me that you should never give yourself 100% to another person, because when that person leaves you, you will be hurt so badly. So in order to safeguard yourself, always keep, like say 30% of yourself. Never reveal everything to another person, totally.

Meanwhile, a female friend also once told me that the secret to happiness is to find a guy who loves you more than you love him, as this will ensure that he will ‘worship’ you.

Maybe I am too naive, maybe I believe in something that doesn’t exist. And maybe I haven’t found the way to find a balance. But for now, I cannot accept those things my friends have said. Because how on earth do you keep a part of yourself from the person you love? How can you keep a part of your heart locked away, as though you’re stashing away some cash, for those ‘just in case’ days? Is safeguarding yourself from being hurt a justifiable reason?

I do not understand. And perhaps, because I do not and cannot understand this, I am singing that Gwen Stefani song over and over again.


  1. I heard those exact words when I was going through a tough r’ship, and at that time, I couldn’t accept it too. At some time, I learnt that it IS true.

    When they say that it’s better for a man to love a woman more, well, there are two ways of seeing this. If a man does love a woman more than she loves him, then the chances of him leaving the r’ship is less. On the other hand, it wouldn’t be fair to the guy if you only put 70% of yourself into the r’ship, when he’s putting more than 100%.

    It’s so difficult, isn’t it? I’m still trying to grasp it too. I guess when you do find the right man who is willing to give you that 100%, and your heart doesn’t feel shortchanged to give him the equal 100% … then you’ve found the ONE 🙂

  2. tine – yupz, it wouldnt be fair to either party if one or the other was not as committed to the relationship. and i’m starting to wonder if THE ONE really exists?? I really hope he does.

  3. Babe….it’s easier said than done…the one about giving less than 100% and let the man love you more than you do to him. Yes, we may try to remind ourselves to give less than 100%, but sometimes and over time, we tend to forget. Being women like us, we have lots of love in us. It’s trying to hold back especially to the ones we love. I am still a toddler in love.

  4. hi there fellow penangite! stumbled onto ur blog by accident 😉

    THE ONE will exist if u believe in it and u feel it– doesn’t matter how many % each party commits as long as both are equally committed to each other. see, if both are only 5% committed, breakups will be easier; if both are 80% committed, at least there’s hope that both will make it to 100%.

    tht’s my humble opinion anyway 😉

  5. elsie – we both have a lot to learn ya? guess us girls are more emotional!

    jun – hi! thanks for the comment. hope you like what you see here. what you said does make sense. i guess there always needs to be a balance and two people together should always try to be on the same page as each other and want the same things from the relationship..otherwise, very ‘kang kor’ hoh?!

  6. damn, so much distrust. why commit in the 1st place. you learn through experience but then again I just got burnt. yet to recover.

    not true girls are more emo.

    Talking is good, pay attention to the answers.

    I listened but she never talked. sad .

  7. hi borg, broken hearts are a mighty difficult thing to get over aint it? i hope you recover soon.
    its just sad that so many ppl get hurt in the name of love. it shouldn’t be this way. we must be doing something wrong here.

  8. wow!! somehow that never happens to me…guess i just love food too much! LOL! it’ll get better with time, borg. hang in there!

  9. tine is right… thru experience… u will soon learn different things about relationship. having said that… i am sure one day u will find one whom you are so willing to give 100% and that person will in turn gives the same… when that happens… you know, you have found the right one.

  10. What is a little hurt and pain if you want to experience the height and depth of love?

    Give yourselves 100%. If you got hurt, at least you have truly loved. Move on and someday you’ll meet someone whom you can truly love 100% again. If you got hurt, move on again.

    And when you meet someone who will also love you 100% in return, it will make it all worthwhile.

  11. zewt – i do still believe that i’ll find that person one day… its just that sometimes my faith wavers a lil!

    kan chan – i agree with you and this is exactly what i told a friend a while ago. if you get hurt, you’ll heal right? at least then you’ll have no regrets for holding back. of course sometimes when you’re healing, it seems like there is no light at the end of a long long tunnel!

  12. No one goes into a relationship, holding back and not giving oneself. We all do our best to make it work…if it doesn’t, we cry, we get over the hurt…and soon we’ll be okay again. I absolutely love that song of Gwen’s. Seeing her in concert? Came over from the Ultimate List posting…

  13. hi wmw! thanks for dropping by! i am sooo tempted to go see gwen cos she totally rocks but i think her concert’s smack in the middle of the week and i most likely won’t be able to go… 🙁 will you be going?

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